The Horror of Childbirth

No, I didn't just have a baby. And no, I am not having a baby just yet. My girl friends and I got together last night, hoping we could talk about our men and their idiosyncrasies (one friend's man in particular). But we ended up talking about the eventualities of love and marriage instead. Hence, the title.

Babies and pregnant women are everywhere. This is an inescapable fact in all cultures and nooks of the planet. When someone tries NOT to think about starting their own family or parenthood or educational plans, the world makes sure you think about these things anyway. I just saw Knocked Up the other day and I was rolling in bed laughing the whole time. Probably because it was fictional, more than anything. I was also dreading the reality of it. I mean, some people must have experienced this at some point, right? It may be fiction, but I bet every second of the film was based on real life. If that were true, I have to say, we are a pretty funny race. Funny, but real suckers for pain, is what I think we are.

My friend Jaja gave birth to her first in Japan -- the land of supposed Zen. She was asked not to scream during labor. I mean, what the f* ck, right? She was given drugs not to numb the pain, because that would've been "bad for the baby." Instead, they bombarded her veins with hallucinogenic IVs so she could get high and distracted at most. After 30 hours of labor and breastfeeding in a completely foreign place, she suffers from postpartum depression. She and her family are back home now, but we definitely can't forget everything they went through while they were there. SHE will never forget and vowed never to have another baby. At least not for a long while.

That was just one unbelievably true story. I had two other girl friends who gave birth in the last 5 years (both painless during labor, but turned excruciating as soon as the drugs wore off), and two doctor friends who've shared the grossest hospital accounts like EVER. The air basically reeked of amniotic fluid and sh*t the whole time. Oh, we talked about a lot of drugs, too -- did I mention that? I definitely need a lot of those when my time comes. Just knock me out and wake me up when the baby turns 5. I wonder if that could be done...

Needless to say, the pain was worth it for my dear mommy friends. Their boys are a handful, but extremely adorable nonetheless. I am positive I won't enjoy the whole going-into-labor extravaganza -- just as I am 101% sure I want some babies of my own someday. Note to self, Angelo, and the doctor: tick all the boxes for drugs. I beg you.

Just look at them...