Thursday, June 14, 2012

Wish I Was Fearless Like Chuck Norris

Those who truly know me would agree with me when I say I am not the bravest person in the world. Sure, I've taken on Goliath (the roller coaster, not the actual giant Philistine warrior, come on) and performed numerous times in front of crowds of all sizes, but generally, I feel that I really lack in the confidence/fearlessness department. That's why I approach almost everything with supreme caution and, sometimes, needless panic.

While going over pregnancy books, I read that people with low self esteem and confidence levels may have been deprived of time and affection by their parents. Hmm. Looking back, that could've been true in my case. I mean, I was never close to my mother, not until I was all grown up. The fact that I wasn't breastfed reinforces this theory. So yeah, maybe that's one of the main reasons why I cringe at the thought of the uncomfortable and unfamiliar, why I grab at every psychological crutch I can get my hands on so I don't fall flat on my face or, worse, don't go through it at all.

So what does give me strength, courage, hope, and all those positively positive things? Aside from verbal encouragement, which usually works for many, I guess even more fear pushes me down those winding, uncertain roads. Fear that if I don't do it, things will just get worse than they could be or already are. Twisted, isn't it.

I could not think of any particular traumatic moment in my youth that attributed to my pantophobia (the fear of everything). Perhaps it was because my mother pushed me on to every stage even when I didn't feel like it. Or maybe we're all predisposed to fear from the second we are conceived. Who knows. I sure as hell don't. But whatever the reason is, I have to give myself a little credit. I mean, considering the levels of fear I've had to face all throughout my life, I'm still here, aren't I? Still standing, breathing, and acquainting myself with brand new fears I never knew existed.

What about you? What do you fear most and how do you overcome it?

"I have accepted fear as a part of life, specifically the fear of change, the fear of the unknown. I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: Turn back, turn back; you'll die if you venture too far." ~ Erica Jong

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